I went on my first bike ride since my bike accident last June. Not only did I have to heal physically, but I had to heal psychologically so this event could occur.
I rode an electric bike on weekdays to commute to work for 3 years. I rode a road bike for exercise for at least 13 years. I chalk it up to being half Dutch that I was meant to ride a bike. I saw bike riding as transportation, exercise and entertainment.
I sustained a knee injury from the bike accident. The first hurdle was physical. I did the Advil, lots of PT, and kept trying to make my knee work. This kept me off the bike. But then the miracle of Vimovo (no, this is not an ad) allowed me to start exercising again! I went to spin class, walked up hills, did yoga. But I couldn’t bring myself to get back on a real bike.
I’m no stranger to trauma. I could see that there were edges of psychological things of why I wasn’t getting back on the bike. Did I think I would crash again? No. Did I think something bad was going to happen? No. It wasn’t anything specific, just a generalized “I don’t want to get back on the bike.”
I got an REI gift card from a client group thanking me for work I had done for them. I walked into the store and immediately saw the helmets. Although my old helmet did make it through the accident unscathed, it was 18 years old. Seriously. I know materials are much better now than they were 18 years ago. So I bought a new helmet.
It took another 2 weeks for me to work through all of the other excuses I had to get on the bike: I’m busy, I’m tired, I have to do my chores, etc. My road bike had been stored in a closet and I had to extract it from behind DH’s bike. 2 flat tires. I got a little thrill that maybe I couldn’t go biking because maybe they weren’t flat from non-use, but because they had holes in them. One pump didn’t fit (another little thrill), tried another pump and voila, the tires pumped up. I’m ambivalent by this point. I got out the WD-40 (WD=Water Displacement and the main ingredient is fish oil) and lubed the chain. OK, I’m out of excuses.
I started riding. Ahhh, this is what I’m supposed to be doing! This is joy! There was such body memory and settling into what was supposed to be. The universe was in harmony again. There was no fear, no trepidation, just bliss.
I’m not going to win any races. I never ride to be fast, just to affirm that I am alive. And I felt it!
