319. Determination: Write about not giving up.
Upon my arrival at Pacific Islands Club for my new job as a Clubmate in Saipan, at the tender age of 26, I was informed that all Clubmates went diving on their days off and that diving was a primary activity for all. I explained that I didn’t dive but inwardly I was experiencing FOMO. My new friends excitedly told me that a new dive class was starting the next day and that I could start immediately. This was way outside my comfort zone but maybe because I was overwhelmed by the warm air, the exotic location, and the friendly colleagues who accepted me immediately, I agreed to the dive class.
Being wildly jet-lagged and without much sleep, I arrived at the pool at 7am to see what the class would entail. After the initial demo about the gear and general usage, I suited up and had to submerge myself to breathe underwater with the regulator. This was terrifying to me since I was afraid of the water. I got through the class but that night, I had nightmares about water and drowning. The next day, I went to the class fully prepared to quit but I didn’t want to just not show up and wanted to explain to the dive master (DM) in person. He was so kind, looked into my eyes, put his hand on my shoulder and asked “did you make it through yesterday’s class?”
“Well yes I did make it through but it was very hard and I had nightmares so I don’t want to continue,” I replied.
“Do you think you could do that again today?”
Because I had in fact done it the day before, I said yes.
He asked, “we’re going to do that again today and just one more thing (he told me what it was going to be but I don’t remember what it was now), do you think you could do that today?” I acquiesced and indeed made it through day 2. That afternoon was the first lecture portion of training complete with book readings and a quiz.
That night I once again had awful dreams that caused me again to arrive at the pool to explain that I was quitting but again, the DM repeated his words and body language to convince me to stay for day 3. In that afternoon lecture, I felt confident about the book-learning aspect of diving. I was an academic and knew how to study to absorb information. The knowledge helped alleviate some of my terror and although the nightmares visited me again, I did show up for day 4 without threatening to quit.
From that point, I was comfortable with the pool exercises and the theory portion of diving. Next came the open swim where I had to demonstrate I could swim a certain distance. I could not swim freestyle so I doggie paddled or floated on my back. I should not have been passed for this portion of the training but the DM said that regular swimming was not needed and that as long as I could keep my arms at my side and flutter my fins, I would be fine.
Within the first week, the second DM and I had hooked up so I didn’t want to disappoint him with my fear of water. This connection became crucial in the next step of the training: the first dive. I had acclimated to being underwater in the pool but being underwater in the ocean provided much more anxiety for me. The plan was to walk from the beach into the water and then submerge, swim, and breathe using the regulator. My new BF/DM proceeded ahead of me but turned around so he was facing me. I focused on his eyes and slowed my breathing so I didn’t panic. Slowly, I descended to the proper depth and continued to breathe. Success!
I ticked off all check boxes of what I needed to do to get certified. Since I was terrified of drowning, I clung to the magical thinking that if I followed all of the rules, I wouldn’t die. This was one of the hardest and best experiences of my life and it took determination that I often can’t conjure myself. I’m glad there were accomplished Dive Masters who lent me determination so I could experience the wonders under the sea.
