Challenge Day 16

16. Addict: Everyone’s addicted to something in some shape or form. What are things you can’t go without?

I’ve always loved sweets too much and sometimes would even eat so much I felt sick. In my twenties when I was studying to be a therapist and learning about addiction in general, I would look introspectively at my own behavior to evaluate if a behavior was an addition.

I worked as a vocational counselor at Goodwill and often a coworker would set out a box of candy to share with the office. One day a box of See’s candy appeared. My brain said “you don’t need those calories” as I walked by the box. My brain said “you don’t need that sugar, you’ll get jitters from so much sugar” as I walked by the box again. Without my brain being consulted, my hand picked up a candy and ate it. As I’m chewing and swallowing, my brain yelled “how did that happen?” It was a blackout situation where I don’t know how the candy ended up in my mouth.

This is when I knew chocolate was a true addition.

The week after xmas this year, I had leftover See’s candies and did not want them in the house after the kids went home so I decided to leave them in my office admin area for others to enjoy. As I was taking the 8 minute walk, I rationalized eating one candy from the box. I had such a rush that I felt a compulsion to eat another without the consent of my brain. It was a weird short-circuit where I had to shake my head and purposely think about what happened. “It’s tasty, have another, it’s easy just to pop another in your mouth, don’t you want another shot of joy?”

Nothing has truly changed from 1988. I still have the addiction, I just need to not take the first bite.