Box of Ghosts

Daughter is getting married and I’m going to send her a tulle skirt that I wore to my wedding reception 2 years ago. I got to thinking that I might have other items I could send from my wedding to DH, so I made the trek to the basement where I had to find the memorabilia box of my first wedding.

In 2016 when I moved out of the house where the kids were raised, I frantically threw items in boxes without any critical thinking involved. I just wanted out of the house and packed all my 1992 wedding items in a box to be stored in my boyfriend’s (now DH2) basement. I felt weird marking the box “wedding” and storing it so I threw in Daughter’s graduation gown and named it “graduation” where it has sat undisturbed for 8 years.

Opening the box, I did find the head piece that I knew was there and was planning to send to Daughter but curiosity got me to poke through the rest of the box. Hmmm, was there anything I was ready to part with? The RSVP cards had all been saved and I felt confident in throwing those in the trash can. A drawing of us made by a toddler who I don’t remember was also an easy choice to get rid of. A wedding album, my personal journal, and video tapes were put in the keep pile. Then there were the cards and notes. Oof.

I don’t know what possessed me to start opening the cards. The signatures of well-wishers sent me down a rabbit hole but most of the time I would open the card and think “they’re dead.” My aunt and uncles are dead, multiple cousins are dead, mom’s work and close friends are all dead. The woman who lived behind my childhood home wrote a long and lovely letter which brought me to tears. I don’t even know what the tears were about. Was it simply grieving the loss of all of these people? Was it that there were so many people who believed as I did, that I was embarking on a life-long love-adventure? Was it the optimism? Was it knowing that the relationship ended in divorce with many wounded souls as fallout?

I kept the cards from my mom and sister because they would be the only people my kids would really know from any of my 1992 well-wishers. I had 2 cake toppers and will send one to Daughter.